I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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