Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
