my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
