he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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