this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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