were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
