she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
