I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
