everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
