While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
