Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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