You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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