you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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