i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
