Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
