Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize