Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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