shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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