Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
