Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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