i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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