Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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