the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it because I queefed?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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