if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize