For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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