i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
