Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
