Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
