I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She announced her abortion via fbk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
