I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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