I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
