Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
