so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
