It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
