I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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