So drunk its hurt
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
