i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
