using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
