I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
