I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
