she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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