the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
