Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
