tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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