I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize