Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
