What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
