Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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