Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
