This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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