Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How naked do you want me to be?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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