You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think my moral compass just broke
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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