I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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