i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
