I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
