I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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