Swine flu. Run for my life!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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