You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I died a long time ago.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
