I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
