Duck Duck Cougar?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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