actually, I'm a sock model
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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