You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
