He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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